Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
