right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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