remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
