I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
