phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We don't watch enough power rangers
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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