How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My vagina just clenched in fear
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
