Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
