Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
