In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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