Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
