Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
