Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
