Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
