I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
