It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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