I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
