Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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