She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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