Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
