I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
