We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
