you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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