Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
