Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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