Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
