Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
