I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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