hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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