it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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