Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
