I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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