you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Every concussion has its silver lining
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
