Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
