i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
