I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
