dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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