Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
