ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
