just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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