Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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