Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
