Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
