I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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