from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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