if i can run in heels then i can drive
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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