Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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