Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
