Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
