does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
