I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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